I’m the oldest of four—same mom, same dad, but very different kids! Music sums it up well…

My senior year of high school I sang a solo in the Fairview talent show (Pops Festival). I wore a long flowing peach dress that shimmered ever so slightly in the spot light. A harp accompanied as I sang the Barbara Streisand ballad, My Heart Belongs to Me…it was beautiful…

Two years later one of my sisters also sang a solo in Pops Festival. Laura is amazing. We fought like cats but in many ways I envied her. When Laura hit the stage she lit up the theater singing, Hit Me with Your Best Shot! The hot pink pantsuit and the back-up rock band made the performance complete…no one could’ve done it better!

The next year my brother found himself on the Pops Festival stage…I guess it runs in the family! He stood in the spot light, acoustic guitar in hand and crooned a country song called, Rio Grande Railroad…I’m sure that more than a few teenage hearts melted!

Three siblings with three very different styles—don’t you love God’s creativity? I can’t forget my youngest sister who pursued cheerleading rather than singing and is absolutely the funniest person I know! I’d take her over Rosie or Joy Behar any day…and I wouldn’t have to cover my kid’s ears!

It’s true that differences can spark conflict, (one of our babysitters went home in tears after spending several horrific hours with me and my siblings…not a proud moment) but differences also make life together rich with blessings and fun! Enjoy the differences in your children. Cultivate their unique gifts and talents.  Help them discover how to use those abilities to help others and honor their Creator.  Along the way, teach them to appreciate one another and encourage them to be each other’s greatest cheerleaders.

The most dangerous of all predators are often overlooked—those that prey on our children’s view of God. Don’t misunderstand, I abhor sexual predators, however, view-of-God predators strive to steal much more than our bodies. A friends’ story may help you understand…

She was sitting on the beach enjoying the late afternoon sun and some personal Bible study time. A shadow moved over my friend and before she could utter a sound, a strong hand covered her mouth, dragging her to her feet. A gang of young men surrounded her. Moving as one, they pushed her toward the pier. No one heard, no one noticed.

When they reached the pier, each man took turns raping her. Finally they held her head under water, attempting to kill the evidence. She never knew why they let her go, but suddenly the restraining arms were gone and she was sucking the life giving air again.

Recovering from such unimaginable trauma took lots of time and loving support, but it was her understanding and faith in God that brought her back from the brink. Her view of God provided the foundation to heal the brokenness and rebuild what evil had tried to take away. Today she’s a joyful wife and mom.

The sexual predators she encountered on the beach stole much, but they couldn’t steal her soul. View-of-God predators infiltrate every area of life with the goal of doing just that.

How do you recognize a view-of-God predator? You start by knowing who God really is! The better you know Him the easier it is to spot the imposters. I’ve been a follower of Jesus for decades. I thought I knew Him, but I discovered a few years ago that I, too, was a victim of view-of-God predators. Not only that, I was passing their lies on to my kids without even realizing it!

It’s time to take on the view-of-God predators in our culture and fight for our children and grandchildren! Make time to shore up your own view of God. (DiscoverGod.com can help you in your journey!) Your children and grandchildren will be eternally grateful!

Oh, that we might know the Lord! Let us press on to know Him. He will respond to us as surely as the arrival of dawn or the coming of rains in early spring. –Hosea 6:3

My neighbor Dawn had created a beautiful Koi pond in her front yard. Unfortunately, an alligator from a nearby swamp found Dawn’s Koi an irresistible treat!

What would you do if your next-door neighbor called screaming that an alligator was in your Koi pond? Dawn, an Ohio farm girl, didn’t hesitate. No alligator was going to eat all of her Koi!! Grabbing a hard-pronged rake, Dawn raced to face her intruder.

The young gator was happily gorging on her expensive fish when Dawn reached the pond. Hooking the reptile in the jaw, Dawn lifted it and headed toward a fenced retention pond. All was going well until, with one mighty swoosh, the alligator was free. Now it was the alligator’s turn to be mad. It turned and headed for Dawn.

Dawn stood her ground. When the alligator charged she brought the blunt side of the rake down on its snout and continued to pound. Finally, the alligator had enough. It turned tail and ran into the swamp never to be seen again. Ohio wins!

I did let my kids play in the yard after the ‘alligator’ incident, but not alone…and not without a hard-pronged rake nearby! Florida is full of wonders, but it’s our job as parents to teach kids how to handle the dangers so they can enjoy the benefits.

Parents face a daily balancing act. The Internet, TV, movies, books, friends, education options…so many opportunities, so many predators. I don’t advocate turning off electronics and isolating children from the culture. However, too many of us neglect to stand guard, ready to protect, educate and equip them to handle the dangers.

Standing guard is time consuming, schedule disrupting and sometimes downright boring. It means watching what they watch and reading what they read. It’s knowing the content of video games and monitoring what they’re being taught in school. It means being willing to protect our kids with the same zeal Dawn had for protecting her fish!

We must be on guard for predators who relentlessly search for ways to reach our children and steal their young minds. They are as real and as deadly as an alligator in Florida.

Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8 (NLT)

Diana was nine when she determined never to love again…

Her mom died when she was five and her dad said goodbye to his six children at the cemetery. He abandoned them with no explanation. The siblings were separated, divided among friends and relatives. No one wanted Diana.

She finally found happiness with an elderly aunt and uncle until tragedy once again ripped it away. First her uncle died and then, only a year later, her aunt lay on her death bed.   Diana knelt by her side begging her not to die. “I’ll do anything,” she cried. “I’ll stay home from school and care for you. Please don’t leave me!”

The next morning her aunt’s empty bed crushed her hope and confirmed her fears. Diana made a decision that day, “Everyone I love dies or leaves,” she thought. “I’m not going to love anyone again…then they won’t die”.

The walls she erected around her tiny heart were invisible and impenetrable. She grew into a woman whose outward appearance was flawless, and yet the girl inside was plagued with fear and a vain search for security… until she met Jesus.

The day Diana met Jesus her abandoned heart found a home that would never fail and a transformation began. I know—I was there.

My mom (Diana) changed before my eyes. It didn’t happen all at once, but what I saw set the course for my own destiny. Joy, laughter and love blossomed in her countenance. The only circumstance that changed in her life was Jesus. It’s the only circumstance that matters.

Life changing decisions are made when we’re children. My mom was nine when she decided not to love again—a decision that guided the next 23 years. I was eight when, alone in my bed, I asked Jesus to be my Savior and Friend. That decision led me to pray for my parents broken marriage. As I watched Jesus transform their lives and renew their marriage, a passion to tell the world about His saving power was born in my young heart.

Give your children the gift of Jesus’ unfailing love. He’s the only One who can give them hope when they feel abandoned and courage to love again.

I love you Mom!

Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close. Psalm 27:10

I’m a disgrace to my Iowa farm heritage. Is it possible to turn a black thumb green? On Saturday I took the first step in attempting the impossible. I went to a gardening class, and sat next to women from Michigan and Wisconsin. We all agreed that growing things in central Florida is a mystery.

Two words from the speaker revealed our problem, growing seasons. Florida’s growing seasons are totally mixed up. When northern farmers are harvesting and settling in for the winter, Florida farmers prepare for the prime-growing season! The northerners in the room had visions of tomato plants wilting in the July heat and wondered how we could’ve missed something so painfully obvious… did I mention my black thumb?!

I’ll let you know how my gardening journey progresses. Today I’m planting broccoli, lettuce and some herbs. In February and March I’ll plant corn, peppers, tomatoes, radishes, snap peas and beans. If anything actually makes it to the table it will be a miracle, but hey, miracles do happen!

People have growing seasons too. There’s a time to let the soil of our lives rest and re-coop needed nutrients and there’s a time to plant the seeds and help them grow. Do you know what season you’re in right now?

Our chaotic culture rarely offers opportunities for a season of rest. Many try to produce success from soil that’s sucked dry and wonder why their “garden” is falling apart. It’s easy to keep planting the seeds and working the garden without thought to God’s plan and growing season. (This can be especially true with our kids. We try to force growth in one area when God is actually planting something else. As a result, we can end up stifling both.)

God has growing seasons especially designed to maximize the “garden” He’s planting in our hearts. He is our Master Gardener and He promises to produce a bumper crop for all who let Him. Your growing season is probably different than mine and that’s okay. The question we must constantly ask ourselves is this: Who’s tending our garden? A fruitful “life” garden is dependent on how we answer that one question.

But they delight in the law of the Lord, meditating on it day and night.  They are like trees plated along the riverbank, bearing fruit each season. Psalm 1:2-3 (NLT)

P.S. Anyone have suggestions for where to find good vegetable seeds?

I’ll never forget the day I “got it”. I’d known it for a long time. Believed it and counted on it. But that day in the desert it became real.

My possessions rattled in the back of a U-haul truck as I made the solitary trip across the Nevada desert. I was making yet another major move…alone. Looking at the empty seat beside me I was keenly aware of the fact there wasn’t anyone to help back the monster truck up if need be. I’m proud to say that I drove from Sacramento to Salt Lake City without ever backing up. If I couldn’t pull in and out going the same direction I didn’t stop!

I poured my heart out to God as the truck rumbled down Interstate 80. I was tired of being alone. It wasn’t the ‘longing for a husband’ kind of tired. It was a weariness of starting over without a common denominator. Wonderful friends from every stage of life were a rich blessing, but they only shared a season of my life. I longed for someone to share all the memories, not just a few. Someone who knew me “when” and knows me “now”.
Then, in the desert, I heard His voice. I looked to the passenger seat half expecting Him to be there. I didn’t “see” Him, but His message was clear:

“I’m here Kathy. I’m your common denominator. I was there when you were born and when you took your first step! I was there when you cried in the school bathroom with a broken heart. I was there when you did well. I was there when you failed. I was there in Sacramento, I’ll be there in Salt Lake and I’m here—right now. You are never alone.”

I experienced the reality of God’s presence that day in the U-haul cab and I’ve never “felt” totally alone since. God did eventually provide an incredible husband but as wonderful as Brad is, even he isn’t the common denominator. Only God can fill the lonely spot in my soul.

God is with us—always. When we smile at a funny memory God smiles at it too. When we say, “Remember when…?” God always says, “Yes, I do!”

“You go before me and follow me. You place Your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand! I can never escape Your Spirit! I can never get away from Your presence!”
Palm 139:5-7 Discover God Study Bible NLT

A friend of mine posted on her facebook page that she was looking at a mountain of laundry on her bed and was thanking God for it. Yes, you read correctly! She actually thanked God for a mountain of laundry! Why? Because she saw the mountain as a testimony to the fact that her family has the clothes they need. I love that!!

The genius of God’s command to give thanks for all things is that in a blink of an eye our focus moves from self and fixes on God. When our gaze is fixed on Jesus our perspective changes. Instead of seeing a mountain of laundry to be washed, we see God’s provision in the midst of a challenging economy. I assure you, doing the laundry can become an opportunity to rejoice rather than a drudgery to endure!

What mundane jobs are you facing today? I’ll thank God for mine and you thank God for yours! Let Him turn the mundane into an extraordinary gift of gratitude!
Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NLT)

I promise, this is my finale blog on the Amy Chua article!

It’s true that the Chinese method of parenting has produced incredible dividends when it comes to academic and business success. However, one could also also say that the fear of failure, born from the demand for perfection and conformity, stifles creativity and ingenuity. Americans may not be perfect but boy are we innovative! My husband sums it up pretty well, “Americans invent it and the Asians perfect it!”

Of course, this entire discussion deals in generalities. I know some Western parents that make Chinese parents look like cream puffs. I also know and love many Chinese parents who are examples we all would do well to emulate. So, bottom line, what makes the difference? As I’ve suggested before, our view of God.

America was born on the backs of men and women who had an incredible work ethic as well as a determination and passion for success that was founded on a faith that sustained them through countless failures and heartaches. It is our view of God that propelled this nation to greatness. When America lost her high view of God, she also lost her heart and soul. Her parents became consumed with gratifying their own desires (larger house, nicer car, the latest fashions) and forgot their God-given mandate to raise children in “the way in which they should go”. (Proverbs 22:6)

I mentioned in the first blog that the liberal Morning Joe round table all agreed that Western parents are too soft on their kids. They seemed to say that we’re raising whimps. The real problem, however, is not our lack of discipline or our tendency to praise mediocrity and suppress excellence. Those are merely symptoms.

Chinese mothers may produce “successful” children, but at what cost? The pressure to achieve excellence robs them of experiencing true love—unconditional love. As Amy Chua so eloquently described, love is lavished on the children only after they’ve achieved the goal. You and I may shudder when they call their daughters “fatty”, or their sons “losers and worthless”, but that is not the real problem. It, too, is only a symptom.

In the West, we have the exact same problem as the Chinese, a flawed view of God. Until both cultures fix their foundational view of God, who is perfect, immensely creative and loves unconditionally, neither will produce very many children who become everything God intended.

It starts with you and me, choosing to live out our view of God in everything we do; in the home, at work and at play. But that’s just the start. If we want our children to live in a country that allows them the freedom to pursue their dreams, the incentive to achieve excellence and the moral compass that values each person (from the womb to the grave), we must pray for an awakening of America’s soul and look for ways to encourage others to make God, rather than societal norms or status, their North Star for navigating life and raising children.

Continuing the conversation about Amy Chua’s article…

Amy Chua tells us that Chinese mothers are superior because they’re committed to raising their children to be successful adults. Frankly, I don’t know any mom, Chinese or otherwise, who approaches parenting with the goal of raising a loser. Amy makes the issue a“Chinese” thing. I disagree. It’s a God thing, and from where I’m sitting, we all have a lot to learn!

Our view of God directly affects how we raise our kids. It shapes our definition of success and guides every decision we make on their behalf. For instance, my view of God’s love doesn’t allow me to demean my children the way Amy advocates. They are precious gifts, created by God in His image. He calls us to encourage, exhort, teach, train and discipline them, however, He does not allow me to demean or belittle them.

Our view of God determines our definition of success and provides a grid for parenting that’s based on His unchanging character, rather than on often flawed societal values. Because God created my children with unique gifts and a specific purpose I believe it is my job, as their mom, is to help them discover what those are.

Amy Chua believes it is the parent who determines their children’s destiny and then forces them to comply. The God of the Bible says that He is in charge of our children’s destiny. He does, however, expect us to equip them with the tools they need to love God with their heart, soul and mind and to do “everything as unto the Lord” with all their strength.

If I’m serious about raising children to be mature adults who love God and do everything in life “as unto the Lord”, it requires my time, energy, prayers, prayers and…did I mention prayers?

So what’s the best parenting advice I can give? Pursue your own relationship with God everyday. Get to know the God of the Bible better every day and let your relationship with Him guide how you parent your children. It sounds simple, but it’s the best place to start! As my husband is fond of saying, “Unlike the Federal government, you can’t give away what you don’t own.”

Tuesday morning on MSNBC they were discussing an article entitled, “Why Chinese Mothers are Superior” by Amy Chua. The title of the article caught my attention, but it was the discussion around the Morning Joe table that I found fascinating. But first, a little bit about the article…

Amy Chua not only asserts that Chinese mothers are superior she also does a thorough job of critiquing “western” parents. Americans are too easy on their children, she contends. We don’t challenge them to reach their potential because we’re more concerned about how they “feel” than we are about raising them to be successful adults. She says:

Western parents are concerned about their children’s psyches. Chinese parents aren’t. They assume strength, not fragility, and as a result they behave very differently.

She goes on to say:

Chinese parents demand perfect grades because they believe that their child can get them. If their child doesn’t get them, the Chinese parent assumes it’s because the child didn’t work hard enough. That’s why the solution to substandard performance is always to excoriate, punish and shame the child. The Chinese parent believes that their child will be strong enough to take the shaming and to improve from it. (And when Chinese kids do excel, there is plenty of ego-inflating parental praise lavished in the privacy of the home.)

Amy knows that Chinese mothers are accused of being harsh and unloving. She contends, however, that it is because they love their children so much that they refuse to let them settle for anything less than their best. By the way, it is the parents, not the child, who decide what the child is capable of. She says that Chinese mothers live out their love by spending hours upon hours helping their children achieve their best.

Around the Morning Joe table the discussion was mixed. They didn’t like the harsh words Chinese mothers often use to motivate. No one was comfortable with the name-calling and humiliation, but they all agreed that Americans are too soft on our children…interesting. They recommended reading the article with an open mind because American parents could learn something from what Amy has to say. I would agree. The next few blogs will be devoted to responding to Amy’s article. If you would like to read her article Google “Why Chinese Mothers are Superior”.